I'm really fuckin board.

Ohmygod.

I'm so lame.

But I told you I'd be back. Get ready for round 2.

I was uploading my rejects earlier this morning, and I noticed that I had some new Flickr notices. Go look at this freaks profile and tell me why I didn't add him. I'm gagging. (Scroll down to his groups if you're confused.) I'm not trying to attack anybody with this, I just want to remind people to check you who adds you to their contact list and even who adds your favourites. Be safe.

I've been up since 4pm yesterday. My nose/sinuses are SO congested, I sound stupid and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my face. My chest hurts really bad too, there's so much shit in my lungs and I can't get it out. It's kind of getting hard to breathe. It's been like this for 5 days. I've taken every OTC decongestant I can find. On top of that, I'm up to a pack and a half a day because I'm SO stressed out, and I'm sure it's not helping whatever is stuck in my lungs but I can't help it. I'm anxious and nervous and stressed out. I've only got half a pack left. Which means I have to ask my mom AGAIN to loan me money for cigarettes.

"Do you know what it's like to care too much, bout someone that you're never gonna get to touch?
Hey man, now you're really livin.
Do you know what it's like to fall on the floor, cry your guts out till you got no more?
Hey man, now you're really livin.
Have you ever made love to a beautiful girl, made you feel like it's not such a bad world?
Hey man, now you're really livin."
-The Eels

Tags:   eyes selfportrait lips 365days 365 green mouth nose piercings wood panel wood grain board bored the eels photoshop photomanipulation lame 2-6-08

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i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

Tags:   grey gray white selfportrait red photoshop photomanipulation jeans bw blackandwhite black 365days 365 heart love romance romantic e.e. cummings i carry your heart 2-7-08

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Tags:   FDF vintage pearls sepia 365 365days self portrait photoshop lace 2-8-08

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"...you tremble like a frightened bird
as she closes in and captures you to place you
in a silver cage deep within her poisoned womb
so once your safe inside, she might let you out
to fly in circles around the room
but its always night and there is no moon..."

-Bright Eyes

This was sort of a cop out. It was 11pm and I hadn't taken a picture and I was dreading it all day because I wasn't inspired, I hadn't had a shower and I looked terrible. This was a last resort. Better picture tonight hopefully.

Tags:   white skin selfportrait gray bw blah blackandwhite 365days 365 necklace jewelry bird sparrow silver bright eyes yellow bird pendant chain swallow 2-9-08

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I've seen sinking ships go down with more grace than you.

-Fall Out Boy.

I'm really fucking pissed.

Today started out pretty decent. I was supposed to go to this girls night out thing with my mom and that was all I had planned today. Which gave me 6 hours from the time I got up to get my shit together and shoot todays 365, which was supposed to be amazing and hilarious. No.

All of a sudden one of those spontaneous things came up, you know the kind that breaks your plans and ripples out to destroy anything else you had planned that day. By the time I got home I had 5 minutes to grab my stuff and go. Oh well, I'll take the shot when I get home I say. No.

I get home and attempt to take a different self-portrait than I'd planned earlier because I was exhausted and I just didn't have the energy to set up and get all the props. Whatever, no big deal, I can do it tomorrow. No.

I go to take my picture and my fucking camera is broken. I'm absolutely devastated. I JUST got it for Christmas. I don't know what's wrong and I really don't know if it's even fixable. I don't understand why shit like this always happens to me.

If I can't fix my camera, I'm giving up on this 365. I'm not going to remember a year of my life in shitty MacBook Photobooth pictures. It's not happening.

FUCK.

EDIT: MY CAMERA WORKS! Yesterday I was out and I was in a rush so I grabbed some off brand batteries at the checkout at Wal-Mart cause that was all they had at that register. I put my rechargeable batteries in this morning and my camera works fine. I'm so happy. I actually cried last night over my camera. It almost felt like a bad break-up. Haha.

Tags:   piercings septum lip photobooth macbook hoodie 365 365days Self portrait black and white bw 2-15-08

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