While this story is 100% true the names have been changed to make them more believable. This guys real name would have simply blown your mind.
I happened to find myself outside this afternoon after wrapping up a rigorous day of editing, author negotiations and cite validation. After a busy day in the Editorial field, I usually like to break out a crisp and cool Bartles & Jaymes, have a sit down on the porch, and swat at bees with my hat. The evening was going as planned just when my friend here, "Douglas Bubble-Trousers" hopped up onto the fence and demanded a sip of my Raspberry Daiquiri Bartles & Jaymes Wine Cooler. I quickly told him that I don't usually share my refreshments with squirrels, but since I enjoyed his straight-forward nature I'd reconsider my position on the matter.
We sat for about 2 hours speaking on various subjects when my wife suddenly came home and demanded I stopped "fooling." I bid Douglas a farewell and snapped this shot just before he gave me a thumbs-up and a wink.
May 21, 2009
Tags: 365 bubble-trousers dbt douglas douglas bubble-trousers fight flickr green moss nature project365 squirrel wants
Often times my Bartles & Jaymes drinking binges don't end well. After the last one, I somehow concocted a plan to frame Douglas Bubble-Trousers for murder. I'm not sure why I did it, but I really think it may have been the 47 wine coolers that we had together. Either way, he was arrested, tried and (unfortunately) only found guilty of attempted homicide. I told him I'd visit him in prison, but as it turns out, none of that ever happened.
I just put him under a bucket and stuck a big ol rock on top and told him, (loudly, according to my wife) to think about what he had done. With the help of a few other woodland creatures, he managed to escape. This is him right before he gave me the finger.
Oh DBT, how I love you.
May 24, 2009
Tags: 365 dbt douglas bubble-trousers flickr jail jailbreak lambertville nj project365 squirrel
There are many things that I regret in life: Not going to see The State's reunion show; not agreeing to murder George Lucas before he had a chance to screw up Star Wars; thinking that sweatpants minus underwear was a good idea in Junior High. Nothing I regret more though than framing Douglas Bubble-Trousers for murder, or, as it turns out, just putting the poor bastard under a bucket and making him think about what he'd done.
When he and I first met we made a pact that we'd never fight. I, in my Bartles & Jaymes drunken rage, forgot about this pact. Last night I called him on his cell phone and left a message, hoping that his Visual Voicemail notification would put a smile on his tiny dirt-covered face and make his Lima Bean sized brain invent wild scenarios of us reuniting. As luck would have it, my apology worked as he showed up this afternoon with a bottle opener and a tiny tear in his eye.
He and I agreed though that this would be his last appearance for a while. I feel that fame may have gone to his head.
May 27, 2009
Tags: 365 bubble-trousers crippler dbt douglas douglas bubble-trousers flickr lambertville nature nj project365 squirrel
9:00 a.m.: Eat granola.
9:24 a.m.: Eat pecans.
9:52 a.m.: Dig up Noelle's Oregano.
10:18 a.m.: Stare at the sun.
10:49 a.m.: Harass a rabbit.
10:52 a.m.: Eat some flower tops.
11:10 a.m.: Run in circles.
12:00 p.m.: Mid-Day Snack.
1:00 p.m.: Sleep.
5:10 p.m.: Circle running.
6:32 p.m.: Dig up Noelle's Parsley.
7:27 p.m.: Dig up Noelle's Basil.
8:19 p.m.: Sleep.
May 30, 2009
Tags: 365 bubble dbt douglas douglas bubble-trousers flickr project365 squirrel squirrels trousers
Today Noelle went outside to give Douglas Bubble-Trousers some nuts. I told her not to spoil him because I have a feeling all the attention is going to his head, but she didn't listen. She gave him an entire can of peanuts in the morning and about 2 hours later he came back asking for more food. Upon his return she said "Hello Mr. Fuzzy!"
Time stood still. I was worried for Noelle's safety since there's no telling what kind of rage that would throw DBT into, but he only wound up staring at her for 32 minutes then picked up this stale Craisin and walked away, glaring at her the entire time.
[DBT made Explore June 8, 2009]
June 7, 2009
Tags: 365 bubble-trousers dbt douglas douglas bubble-trousers flickr project365 squirrel