I've been hearing voices recently. It's down to a new hearing aid I'm trying to get used to. Suddenly the world is a noisy place. And I'm not so sure I like it. I've been wearing it at work and now my wife wants me to wear it at home. She wants me to hear her. But all I want after a hard day at work is some peace and quiet. So tonight, as it was still a nice warm summer's evening I went to the fridge to get a couple of cold beers, removed the tops and went to join a friend already sat out on the patio in the garden. I put on a smile as I approached and put one of the bottles on the table in front of him, knowing he would never drink it, but I could politely take it off him in a while and not have to go back to the kitchen for another beer.
I slumped into a chair with a sigh. It was so peaceful out there, even though I could now hear things I haven't heard for ten years or more. But the sun's rays were warm on my face as I turned it upwards, the head of a tall sunflower being in just the right place to shade my eyes from the most intense light of the sun. And it was as I closed my eyes to soak up the pleasure, that he spoke to me for the first time in a while.
"Oh, for God's sake look who it is?"
I opened an eye and looked to my right. "Who?" I enquired.
"Peter. Always following me around. Can't get rid of him. Damned pest!"
I looked around, now with two eyes. Surprised. Not spotting anyone I said, "Where is he?"
"Up there, sat on that sunflower petal. Most annoying person I know!"
I had no idea how he knew this. They must have met before but I had never met Peter before and it seemed a little harsh to slag him off within earshot of him.
After all, I had only just sat down and was trying to relax before my friend spoke, but what he had just opened the conversation with had suddenly set me back. Curious, no, a bit anxious, that my after work relaxation might be about to be spoilt I squinted up into the sun to see if I could see the little irritant. Aaah there he was, about eight feet up, Looking down at me. Cheeky little face.
Well he really didn't look much bother to me. I was sure I would be able to take a deep breath, close my eyes and start my relaxation all over again.
But Paul continued, "He thinks he's a fish today!"
Oh no, I thought. He's not going to shut up. Can't he just realise I want some quiet after a hard day's work? A good friend would understand that surely, or at least engage in some enjoyable banter. But he just started it off with Peter.
"I'm not a fish!" said an indignant little voice from up on the sunflower. "I'm a whale!"
Oh dear. Whatever next? I thought it best to take a long hard swallow of Corona. And hoped that things subsided.
"You're just an idiot! The driving instructor must have thought you were mad when you told him that! You're just a fly!" retorted Paul rather aggressively I thought.
I looked at him next to me, sideways, not quite believing what I was hearing, and then up to Peter in his lofty perch.
His reply when it came was equally scathing. " You're just a know it all. Think you are something special. A well bred fly when really all you did was emerge out of shit: old shit. Go back where you came from!"
I looked from one to the other and thought I better call for peace in my garden. I thought I would set my stall out. "Now, now boys, play nicely or.........."
At that point my wife came out of the conservatory carrying a tray, teapot, cups and saucers and some cake and biscuits. Oh how delightfully English, I thought, as she placed the tray on the table, shooing a fly away from by my spare bottle of Corona. "Who were you talking to?" she asked conversationally.
I peered up to the petals on the big sunflower. But Peter had gone. And then I looked down to the waiting bottle of beer on the table where my friend had been sitting until a few seconds ago. But both flies had vanished.
I smiled sweetly at my wife and reached for a slice of cake. "Nobody Dear, you're hearing things. But you'll be pleased to know I have been too. Even you!"
Loading contexts...
