Cause you're beautiful
Just not on the inside.
-Saves The Day
Confession: I don't think all the good in me could ever outweigh the bad.
I'm not a good person.
I'm a bitch. I'm a liar. I'm a coward. I'm angry and bitter. I hold grudges. I'm vengeful. I'm greedy. I put my own wants before other's needs. I argue with people sometimes just for the sake of arguing. I push people's buttons to see how far I can go before they break.
I'm a spoiled brat. Since I was a baby, I've always gotten what I wanted. No one ever said no to me. And if they did I could think up clever ways to make them say yes. Parents, friends, boyfriends, anyone. I can and will manipulate anyone to get what I want.
I hate who I've become.
Today has not been good. I feel pathetic. I've been crying all day over cigarettes. It's pretty fucking sad. I'm anxious and stressed. I'm broke and I don't have a job.
Tags: 365 365days bitch liar angry bitter greedy spoiled brat manipulative hate pathetic broke anxious stress i just need a cigarette then I'll be okay. my stomach hurts my lungs ache i want to go home heart is on the floor, why don't you step on it? download this song cause I love it. brigid said I should sendspace my music. so i am. so you guys should download my music. it'll make me feel better. 3-14-08
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For GTWL, 5 things that most people don't know about me. I'm also going to add this to my confessions set and kill two birds with one stone. :P
Confession: I am a huge klutz.
I'm constantly running into things, tripping, pulling down displays in the grocery store, spilling drinks, stubbing my toes, skinning my knees, etc. It's really embarrassing most of the time. And painful...I'm not graceful in the least.
I've got a scar over my right eye from when I was 12. I roller skated into a hanging metal file organiser (kind of like this one) my mom had in her craft room. I listened to my mom and stopped skating in the house after that.
So after I posted yesterdays shot I completely passed out. My mom woke me up at 8 this morning because we had a guy coming to fix the air conditioner (FINALLY!). I feel like a complete asshole though because Xe called while I was driving and I said I'd call her back when I got home but I got home and forgot because my dad called to update me about my mom and her surgery and then I fell asleep.
My mom's doing really well! She was in the air force and she used to work on a runway and so with all the planes landing and taking off, plus all the loud equipment she worked with messed up her hearing in her left ear pretty bad. She also got a really bad ear infection when she was 19 that ended up eating parts of her inner ear away so that didn't help. But the surgery went really good, no complications, we're watching Bones and eating ice cream right now. I'm SO glad Booth isn't dead. The show would suck without him.
Okay and I'm I the only loser that bawled my eyes out watching the season finale of House? Oh my god. It was so sad. :(
My hair is still driving me crazy. I ordered some Atomic Pink and it should be here by Friday I'm hoping, if not then Monday. My dad says it looks like I dunked my head in a tub of sherbert. He's also been calling me Grapefruit, which he's shortened to G-unit. It was funny until he said "What kind of grown adult dyes their hair pink? Stupid." I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I pretty much expected it but still. It's irritating.
Tags: 365 365says GTWL confession I've discovered the smart blur in Photoshop it's AWESOME I don't have to use my crazy method of touching up my skin anymore YAY! Good for you :D don't listen to your dad you're a hottie with your pink hair
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I'm really behind on all things Flickr. Sorry for the lack of comments/replies to comments. Things have been kind of crazy.
First off - my finger doesn't hurt anymore. So that's good.
I don't think I ever followed up on my doctors appointment - He put me on a muscle relaxer that WORKS and doesn't make me sleepy and we're trying Norco again. I think I'm doing pretty good, I take the muscle relaxers 3 times a day and the Norco twice a day. I think I'm doing really good at not over-medicating, I really don't want things to get out of control like they did last time.
I feel like I have alot to update on but my mind is kind of blank. Maybe I'm just tired, or paying too much attention to South Park instead of writing this. I dunno.
I can't wait til my hair dye gets here. I feel ugly. I really don't like my hair.
Today I finally sat down and went through my hard drive - I duplicated some folders with ALOT of stuff in them which is what was taking up most of my space. I deleted 13G! So I'm working on getting Photoshop on my Mac so I can stop using the PC to edit my photos. I hate not being able to be comfy on the couch when I'm editing.
That's all I guess. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting.
EDIT: I almost forgot about GTWL!
Confession: Scary movies SCARE me.
Yeah, I know it's probably lame, but I can't watch scary movies by myself. Or at night. And especially by myself at night. I get really scared/paranoid and I freakkkkk out. I've been known to crawl in bed with my mom when I get scared. Still. At age 20. Kinda pathetic. I can't even watch previews for scary movies, I have to change the channel right away or I'll have nightmares. I'm okay watching them during the day! Just not at night. I can't even watch shows like Ghost Whisperer or Medium, I have to record them and then watch them in the morning. Because I truly believe in ghosts and they scare me. I'm an extremely paranoid person, and it doesn't help that I believe in ghosts and crossing over and unsettled spirits and all that.
Tags: 365 365days I really hope I didn't spell anything wrong on my poster hood rat GTWL confession
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Confession: I like mooses. Alot.
When I was like 6 or 7 my grandmother came to visit us in Maryland from North Dakota. She brought my brother and I gifts as most grandparents do for their grandchildren. I don't remember what she brought my brother but she brought me this stuffed mouse. It was cute and nice but mostly it was just a stupid mouse that I would throw in my closet with all other stuffed animals I didn't really care for. She was staying in my room and so her suitcase was in there. I saw this stuffed moose in there and instantly knew I HAD to have it. I asked her who it was for and she said she'd got one animal for me and one for my cousin April. I asked if I could trade and she said yes cause she's awesome like that. She handed it to me and said "Sure, you can have the cow!" And of course I had to jump in and say "Gramma, it's not a COW! It's a MOOSE!" So we argued back and forth over it for a while and it became "Cow-Moose," which drove my parents crazy because there's no such thing as a Cow-Moose.
I proved them wrong this year after seeing a documentary on Animal Planet about mooses and finding out that a female moose is indeed called a Cow Moose. HA!
Ever since then I've been obsessed with mooses collecting anything and everything with a moose on it. I've got pencils, socks, stickers, teeshirts, figurines, keychains, necklaces - if it's got a moose on it, I own it. My family thinks it's weird because it's not a 'normal' cute animal that most people collect like tigers or panda bears.
My favourite thing about Christmas is getting a new moose (or 4). Christmas isn't allowed to end until I've unwrapped at least one.
Poe is a moose my mom bought for me that somehow became my favourite. I used to carry him everywhere, and I still sleep with him.
And I know the plural for more than one moose is still moose. Mooses just sounds better.
Do you guys think I'm crazy now?
I was going to write about my whole emergency room ordeal but I want to keep this entry kind of happy. I'm doing so much better now, the naproxen is killing my stomach but the pain in my ribcage has almost gone away completely. Maybe I'll make another entry later or tomorrow. Thanks everyone for all your support and comments and mails and stuff, I really appreciate it so much! <3
Tags: 365 365days moose mooses I'm really sad Nickelodeon stopped running Rocky and Bullwinkle it was like my favourite cartoon :( confession I've never seen a live moose before and I really want to I saw a a taxidermied one in Bass Pro Shops once and I ran out crying it was a sad day. Hey Kristin! even with all these mooses, I too suffer from empty bed syndrome :(
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Confession: I love my glasses!
When I was like 10 I faked being not able to see clearly. My parents took me to the doctor and I pretended I couldn't see as well as I really could. My 2 best friends had glasses and I wanted some! In the end all I ended up 'needing' reading glasses and my parents bought me a cheap pair at Wal-Mart. Now years later I really do need them. I hate that I need them but I don't hate that I have to wear them...if that makes sense. I never understood why people would make fun of someone for having to wear glasses, I mean if you can't see, you can't see and that's all there is to it. I've never felt negative about myself for having to wear glasses. I don't think they're nerdy or geeky or embarrassing and unfashionable. I I think I look cute in glasses! I've been pressured to get contacts and I did consider it for a while just so I could get the coloured ones but I tried them out once and couldn't get used to the feeling of something i my eye. Plus it just seems to me like they're more complicated than glasses, glasses are easier you just put them on. I don't have the patience to sit in front of a mirror fiddling with trying to get them in. Plus I like my glasses! I never realised that I hardly wear them in my self portraits, it's just easier for me to take them off instead of trying to get the light right so I don't have a glare on them. But got alot of comments on them in the last few pictures I've put up so I've decided to try and wear them more in my photos.
I'm kind of pissed off that I got nothing done yesterday. I was supposed to call people and do laundry and stuff and I ended up sleeping all day. I hate how messed up my sleep schedule has gotten and I can't find my Ambien so I can sleep at night instead of during the day. Anyway I woke up at like 8PM and was up all night again but I was trying to just suck it up and stay awake all day today but I ended up having to take a nap. I woke up at 3 and I'm going to try and find my sleeping pills so I can get back on a regular schedule.
I wanted to go out and get lights and fabric for my studio but it's too late now because I'm going to see Wall-E tonight and by the time that's over Lowes will be closed. :(
Anyway I have to go take a shower now, my armpits smell like death. Haha.
Tags: 365 365days glasses pink hair self portrait confession
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