I guess I only claim to be nice.
-Alkaline Trio
I had a doctors appointment today.
This is the doctor that yelled at me for getting addicted to pain killers. I haven't seen him since January. He made me go see a phsycologist or whatever, like a month ago. So I did. They sent my mental health report over to my doctor 2 days after I'd seen her. So, he's had this report for like a month. I go into my appointment and he asks me if I've seen the shrink. I say yes and he shuffles through his papers and pulls it out. Then he asks ME what she said. ???? Wait, who's the doctor? Um, READ THE FUCKING REPORT YOU MORON. I was irate. I don't get this asshat. If you've had this report for a month, and you KNOW I have an appointment coming up tomorrow, wouldn't you want to look it over? I sit quietly and smile while gripping the handles on the chair to force myself to stay sitting down so I don't blow up at the doctor. I'm only doing this for my mom's sake because he's her doctor too. He mumbles through the report and then pretty much just throws everything out the window and is ready to write me another script for Percocet.
Are you fucking kidding me?
WHYYYYYY would you even THINK about prescribing pain killers to someone with a NARCOTIC ADDICTION?! As calmly as I possibly can, I tell him no opiates, no narcotics. (By the way, I'm really proud of myself for saying no because I was in pain during the appointment and it would have been SO easy for me to say yes.) Anyway. He writes a script for Naproxen and I ask about a stronger muscle relaxer. "Well we can try you on Soma, but just be aware that it is highly addictive."
Oh my god. Can I just hit myself in the face with a hammer and get it over with?
So here I sit with a prescription for a highly addictive muscle relaxer and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified of going through addiction and withdrawal again. I can't do it. It's so hard because honestly, all it takes is ONE pill. And it makes you feel better. So you take another. And then it snowballs into a big mess.
I'm finding a new doctor.
Update - now I'm mad and SAD. For the second night in a row, my dad left a door open and my cat got out. You would have thought after last night he'd be more careful.
Only this time, we can't find my cat.
I can't sleep without her. I'm freaking out. I love that stupid cat SO much.
UPDATEI found her! Laying on a bench on the patio. Silly Bee. <3
I'm sorry if I haven't replied to any Flickrmails or comments, I'm too angry right now, I'll try and get to it later tonight after I (hopefully) calm down.